Irony and other such literary devices...

Dear Christmas Break,

It has been a long time since I have last seen you.  I am in dire need of your aid.  Please contact me ASAP...

It took approximately 6 1/2 days after the installation of my new SmartBoard ...6 1/2 days before it was vandalized.  One of my high school students, yes, sadly nearing adulthood, decided it was a wonderful idea to write on the SmartBoard in pencil.  This piece of technology, worth more than these kids could even fathom, has served as the center piece of the classroom for the last week.  The excitement and the novelty are still tangible, yet there I was, stunned as watched in horror as my student proceeded to glide the sharpened led tip across the delicate white screen...I went from giving no detentions all of first quarter, to writing two detentions within a matter of a week and a half. 

Irony...one of many literary devices I have introduced to my students.  The irony on this night is that yet again, as I write, the freshly baked cookies for tomorrow's Christmas pizza party lie cooling on my counter. I am frustrated beyond belief by laziness, apathy, and on days like today, disrespect.  Yet somehow, I still love all 16 members of the crazy bunch that I will forever call the first of my very own students.  Good and bad, thick and thin, they are teaching me more than I could ever hope or pray to teach them.  As I write mid-term after mid-term, starting from scratch, I can't help but reflect on the foundation that I thought was so rooted up to this point.  Little did I know, a seed had merely been planted.  Now the real task begins, pruning and preparing myself, as well as the seedlings I have carefully monitored and guided, to weather the storm...the dry, cold, and sometimes lonely winter storm of wondering what comes next.  Some days I can barely see in front of me, blinded by the flurries and fog of confusion and frustration.  Thankfully, the occasional glimpse of the sun serves as a reminder that there is always light at the end of the tunnel and with every winter comes the smell of roses blooming in the Spring.  I pray that eventually, with time and care, I can see the vibrant colors of spring, present in each of the unique seeds that I encounter daily.

Weathering the Winter Winds,
Ms Phillips

"It's because teachers don't get paid enough..."

It was Friday, a mere hour and half before the dismissal bell would be sounding, signaling the end of what had proved to be one of the longest weeks thus far and what would hopefully be the beginning of a relaxing and fun weekend. My patience had worn thin over the previous 4 days as well as the hours that had led up to this point.  My frustration was no longer hidden.  The students FINALLY seemed to catch on that Ms. Phillips was no longer joking.  One observative student, comparatively, that is, paused for a moment.  "I think I know why Ms. Phillips is so mad," he said as if having had a revelation, "...it's because teachers don't get paid enough."   ...Who knew that students could read minds?! 

Though last week was full of ups and downs; I must say, experiencing my first car accident on top of everything else was less than pleasant.  However, in retrospect, it could have been much worse.  I figure, if I managed to somehow maintain an ounce of sanity after last week...I can do this whole teaching thing!  I kept repeating this mantra as I hit snooze for the 5th time this morning(sadly, no exaggeration here). 

Today, after a long, cold day of dealing with students and parents, e-mails, phone calls, crises of all makes and models, I wasn't so confident in my choice of careers.  I wanted to run home to my bed and wake up to a sea of solutions rather than an array of problems.  Then I remembered, this is the real world and I am an adult now...that's a shame!  Unfortunately, that wasn't the only thing I remembered.  As it turns out, I have a 1/2 day training tomorrow, which meant I needed to put together sub plans.  At this point it was 5 o'clock.  6pm rolled around and not only was the parking lot was empty but the cleaning man nearly ran me out of my classroom.  I packed up and relocated to COSI, where I could keep working and eat quickly, refueling before the band concert I had promised to attend. Thankfully, the concert was a high point of the day, as I watched 2 of my students, one of which had a solo.  They were in their element, and thankfully, I was able to see them in a different light, as they shined brightly on stage!

Big week...SmartBoard is being installed...pray that all goes well and mission is finally accomplished!  Together, my students and I will welcome the Mod. into the 21st century...it's about time!

Peace,
Ms. Phillips

SMART Move!

Let me start by saying, "every action has an equal but opposite reaction."  Thanks to our good friend Sir Isaac Newton, we know that everything we do has a consequence of some sort. It's a shame that the reality of this natural law has yet to register with my students.

I found out the hard way that planning for a sub for two days takes approximately the same amount of time as planning for an entire week or more of my own teaching.  My detail oriented self struggles to relinquish control at time...I know, I know, I'm working on it!  After leaving detailed sub plans for last Thursday and Friday, and mentally preparing my students for what was to come and how they were to act, I was confident that all would be well.  Thankfully, I allowed myself to believe this enough to finally relax on our long weekend in NYC! 

I was quickly shot back to reality as I returned to school this morning, and flipped through the notes left by the sub.  Just as I had begun to smile, proud that the sub had been so impressed by my thorough and organized notes for her, I froze.  Was I reading this correctly?!  It's couldn't be....
On Thursday one of my basic math students, let's call him J, was absent.  Having not been informed of this prior to me leaving, I had not informed the sub of his absence.  Another student, lets call him S, who is with me for Algebra at the same time as J and 3 others are with me for basic math (yes I teach 2 classes at once...please don't ask how!), decided to take advantage of J's absence.  During attendance, S happily informed the sub that he was J.  Not surprising, as this is an age old trick, tried and true with substitutes.  However, the difference was that on this day there was a chapter test in basic math.  Well, this did not stop S...he proceeded to take the test, even signing J's full name at the top. 
Despite the fact that I have baseball cards (with the names/ photos of students) on my bulletin board, the sub did not catch the blunder; though who could blame her, as my boys are quite charming and convincing when they want to be!  It was not until J was back on the second day of her sub placement that she realized what had happened.

...Now imagine my surprise when I realized that not only did I have to confront both students about this...but I had to do so without laughing.  This move was so cleaver and cunning that I couldn't help but laugh.  Though I wanted to high-five him for pulling off such a move, I know that if I let S get away with this, students will continue to attempt moves such as this from here on out, most likely turning it into a game of some sort.  My solution:  to allow J, the basic math student, to take S's Algebra quiz and to give S whatever grade his underclass friend receives.  Keep in mind, not only is J 3 year's younger...his math skill level is at approximately a 4th grade level.  So imagine giving an Algebra test to a 4th grader.  Yes, I realize that to some this is brutal, while others lenient...but I know that this will get through to my student, as will the apology letter to the substitute and a phone call home.  Let's just say, I may no longer be a class favorite tomorrow : )

On a SMARTer note...my SMART Board was delivered today and will be installed within the next week.  This might be the first time this semester that I have am close to tears due to joy rather than stress (though don't get me wrong, there will always be plenty of that)!  I am finally bringing this classroom into the 21st century and can reach the students on their level...praise the Lord! 

Well, I must finish editing an IEP, as I have my last IEP meeting of 2010 tomorrow, after school.  The second I adjourn the meeting, Thanksgiving break begins. THANK God!

Yours Truly,
Ms. Phillips

Identity Crisis

I began the day hopeful that this week would have much more redeeming qualities than last week...I was quickly smacked in the face with the harshness of reality.  I have come to the conclusion that this year there are likely to be more days that end with me questioning my career choice than not.  In fact, recently I have decided that I must have been outside of my mind to decide that high school special ed. was my calling.  I have had my fair share of doubts.  Why would someone willingly chose to surround themselves with hundreds of hormonal teenagers?  I daunting question that I have yet to answer...yet here I am!

I am struggling to keep my sanity as I balance needing to know chemistry, physical science, biology, Spanish, English, pre-algebra, algebra, Bible, history, etc.  Planning for my own 5 classes is hard enough, let alone needing to know the content for the kids that I tutor.  Oh, and then there is always the IEPs and progress reports...those fun legal documents that seem to rear their ugly heads whenever I am led to falsly believe that I have it all under control.

I find myself caught between being the strict teacher that insists on silence and surrender, verses the laid back leanient teacher.  I want the kids to be held accountable both for behavior and knowledge while still feeling comfortable both with me and my classroom.  Whenever I focus on fixing one problem, a heap of other conflicts seem to arise.  Finding the balance between work and rest is a whole other ball of wax.  I know that I need to be rested in order to best serve the students, but any time I take the time to rest, I feel as if I am two steps farther behind. 

Well, my basketball player/not-so-star-student got his wish today...he just barely passed, qualifying him to play for the season.  Ignoring the fact that he passed by the skin of his teeth, he lit up as I told him he was eligeable.  I took this time to inform him that his hard work was far from over, as I would be communicating with his coach and if at any time he has more than 2 assignments missing, he will not play the following week.  This news caused a much less animated repsonse than the first.  My newly instated rule serves, if nothing else, as encouragement of sorts me for, allowing me to believe that school will still somehow be a priority...even if not by choice.  I would like to believe that one day he will realize it was for his own good. 

On an exciting note...I'm getting a SmartBoard!!!  This interactive tool will finally help bring my ancient modular into the 21st century; how exciting!  I have also been blessed with some additonal funding that allowed me to go on a shopping spree for my classroom today.  I stocked up on some outstanding resources that I have had my eye.  Hopefully these new resources will help to engage the kids...somehow.  Today the librarian informed me that he had spent a 1/2 hour on a 1 minute video presentation for his class, but that they were SO engaged, hanging on every word.  I joke, saying, "If it took 1/2 for 1 minute of attention...think how much we have to do for 50 minutes!!!"  We both laughed, realizing the reality that we face on a daily basis and the overwhelming obstacles that we must tackle in the process.

The WCHS boys soccer team has made it into the finals.  If they win tomorrow night, the entire school is excused from classes all day on Friday to tailgate and attend the finals at the Crew Stadium Friday.  Never before have I been a fan of soccer...but I could be!  I am praying that this is God's early Christmas gift to the teachers! 

Another humbling encounter today: One of my students, A, informed me that she had watched "Freedom Writers" this weekend, a heart-felt tale of a teacher in an urban school that changes the lives of her students from the inside out.  After sharing how we both had watched the movie through our own watery lenses, she said, "You know, Ms. Phillips...that's like you. You could be that teacher some day.  It just takes time..."  Spoken like someone wise beyond her years; she sure hit the nail on the head.  What a powerful reminder that Rome wasn't built in a day, nor would my classroom. 

One day at a time,
Ms. Phillips

NO Child Left Behind topped with a Bad Case of the Mondays

It's almost midnight...I realize that I must wake up in approximately 6 hours, yet here I am.  After a long Monday, I left school today discouraged and feeling under the weather with a bad case of the Mondays.  This weekend I had granted myself the luxury of pretending not to be a teacher for a few days.  The students had Thursday and Friday off, as most of the teachers has a 2-day conference for the Association of Christian Schools International.  One of the blessings of being a state-employee, is that I am not required to go to all WCHS events; though many are beneficial regardless.  Of course I went to some of it, as I felt some things applied to me as well as fed my curiosity and spirituality alike. 

Long story short though, I have not been in student mode for nearly 5 days, so this morning hit me like a ton of bricks.  I felt unprepared as I drove to school this morning, thinking of all that I could and probably should have accomplished but did not.  I calmed myself though by reminding myself that grades are due tomorrow and at least I have all of those in and set to go!  My feeling of unpreparedness turned in to pure frustration as I realized that I left not one, both both folders for my math classes at home on the kitchen table...after specifically making a mental note last night not to do so.  Some good that did; some day I am convinced I'm just like my kids.  "Well guys, you'll never guess what Ms. Phillips did this morning...she left her home work on the kitchen table..."  Needless to say those plans were "shot to hell in a hand basket" as my lovely side-kick says.  Somehow I managed to pull some things together, though not as effectively and orderly as I'd like of course...my perfectionist self was forced to get over it rather quickly. 

Despite the day's blunders, I left an hour and a half after the bell rang dismissing the students this afternoon; not bad for me!  Sadly, I left in full knowledge that I must take a short run/ dinner break before hitting the lesson plans again.

.....And here I am.  Having just finished the week's lesson plan for my 5th and final class.  I am continually haunted by the daunting task of meeting the needs of every child.  On the eve of election day, I am reminded of the famous NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND and can only laugh.  The regulations, restrictions, accountability testing, and numbers, and all other requirements were created with many flaws.  Those things are so limited and I find myself constantly asking how in the world I am challenge the top student while not trampling on those still on the bottom rung.  If only...

Anyways, I will step down from my soap box to tell you the good news.  I am THRILLED because after completing Beowulf with my seniors, which was rough at times for the boys, I have been racking my brain for a REALISTIC way to assess the students' knowledge.  I have come up with what I consider to be an exciting solution.   The kids will be given a "menu" of options ranging from creating a comic, song lyrics, a powerpoint, a gameboard, and more in order to display what they have learned about the various characters, setting, events, and themes of Beowulf.  Now God only knows if the students will be as excited as I am; most likely not, but there is always hope!  However, I have to believe they will approve of this better than the original  paragraph essay rubric I had drafted.  There may be light at the end of the tunnel!

Ps...I now know why every one's first piece of advice to me as a first-year teacher was to get a hobby.  Thank the Lord for running...it has become my outlet at the end of the days.  I am going to attempt to train for a 1/2 marathon, so hopefully that will provide enough challenge and distraction outside of the classroom that somehow I can maintain my sanity.  How ironic...running a 1/2 marathon to maintain rather than lose sanity...who would have guessed?!

Here's to shaking a bad case of the Mondays!
Ms. Phillips

Who's the Man?!

Today rivals one of the longest and toughest days yet....

The day began on a positive note as I quickly stopped by Starbucks, my new best friend.  I decided I needed ammunition for the long Monday that awaited and nothing less than a Venti would do.  Little did I know, ordering a dozen Ventis wouldn't have prepared me for the battles that awaited.

They must have snuck one shot of , "Please, take advantage of me as much as possible" and another of "attitude" into my order this morning.  With this week being a three day school week, WCHS might as well have done the teachers a favor and canceled classes for the whole week.  Grades are cut off on Wednesday, which should put the fear of God in some of my kids considering the fact that their grades have led them to believe that there are no other letters in the alphabet besides "D" and "F".  Yet somehow, they are more calm than I am...irony at its finest.

One of the star basketball players was just added to my caseload last week and I am now to solve the predicament of what to do with his grades.  Essentially, I was told it is up to me to decide whether to pass or fail him.  Of course what I should be saying is it is really up to him and the work that he wants to do, or doesn't for that matter.  This is the same student that took it upon himself to write "Whos the man?!"  all over each of my white boards.  I did not hesitate to remind him that he will no longer be "the man" if the is cheering for his team from the bleachers.  That quickly humbled him; sadly its effects faded after a mere 2 minutes.  However, somehow, the arrow seems to point heavily to me instead; I am to decide his fate.  I know I shouldn't break my back for a child not willing to work, but if someone could only tell me how to gracefully sit back and watch my student fail, I might have an alternative.  Until then, I shed tears for students that probably aren't even shedding tears for their own self-inflicted academic demise.  After last week, a week in which I wrote not one, but 3 IEPS, and a meeting to accompany each, as well as a seminar and an observation by my supervisor, I was ready for this short week.  If only I had known...

Another student, A, decided that last night was the perfect time to call me for help on a paper.  When I did not pick up, she decided it was essential that she call 4 more times.  After providing a few instructions late Sunday, I informed her that we would edit the rest tomorrow.  So today, when she simply didn't feel like working, it was suddenly my fault that I did not help last night....funny that the blame conveniently seems to fall on everyone but the students.  Of course being the intervention specialist, I am supposed to be the miracle worker.  It must be a rude awakening for the students as I inform them that I will not work harder for them than they are willing to work for themselves.  Until they grasp this concept, I except that I will continue to be frustrated and overwhelmed as I seek a balance of being their advocate and teacher, verses being an enabler of their bad habits. So today, on the evening of one of the longest school days of the year, I vow to be an advocate, not an enabler for the students that I have grown to love so much.  What this means, I do not yet know, but only time can tell!

Tired and begging the week to end soon,
Ms. Phillips

Mission In-Progress

Today, after a long day, per my usual routine when I'm overly tired, I began to clean.  For some reason, namely the 1/2 pot of coffee I consumed, I decided bulletin boards were not in the most effective locations and that the modular was still too cluttered for its own good.  I took matters into my own hands as I pulled out the necessary tools.  My aid laughed as I climbed on desks and tables to perform the necessary tasks.  She jokingly informed me that the teacher before simply called in her husband for chores such as this, at which point a laughed as I exclaimed, "I don't seem to have one of those" so I'm the next best thing!  Thankfully, this mission was accomplished without any casualties.

The results of this spontaneous mission were two-fold.  Not only is the modular more organized than ever before, but it also gave me a sense of empowerment.  Having cleaned the modular from top to bottom, a process that has spanned several long months, I have watch the modular transform along with my confidence.  Knowing that there will never come a time when I can say that I have perfected the art of teaching, I can confidently say that it is the journey, its ups and downs, that make the ride worth while.

The past few months have served as a not-so-gentle reminder that nothing comes easy and instant gratification is over-rated.  I have labored many hours over students; hours for which I have yet to see the fruit of my labor in many cases.  However, I am hopeful that, if nothing else, I am planting a seed that will one day grow into something strong and uniquely beautiful. 

I have learned the power of my own strength.  I am confident and now know that I am capable of much more than I ever imagined.  There is nothing more powerful than realizing that your potential is even greater than your expectations.  Several parents and teachers have commented that I am wise beyond my years, which, if true, is both a blessing and a curse.  I believe that with hard work, I can reach my goals and then some.  However, the curse is that the results I often expect to yield are that of a veteran teacher.  I strive to continually remind myself that within a matter of nearly two months, though I have achieved  so much, I have a long road ahead of me...a road that is forgiving of the occasional wrong turn, a road that invites detours, begs for adventure seekers, and thrives on putting the pedal to the metal.  Thank God for seat belts!

Along for the ride,
Ms. Phillips

Notable Quotables

In case you're in need of comic relief:

~Me: "Why do you think this character is burnt "
  Student: "........smokin marijuana...."
  Correct answer: character was sun burnt while being on deserted island

~Me: "Boys, we are wasting cups, please bring in your own water bottles"
  Student 1: "How do you know we aren't gonna fill it with vodka"
  Me:  "Well for one, wasn't born yesterday; secondly, I know what it smells like, and I'll make you pour out 
           the contents of the bottle before you enter my classroom."
  Student 2: "Ms. Phillips, you know you did it when you were in high school..."
  Me: Well, that's where you'd be wrong. I wasn't an idiot ...

~Me: Please write this problem on the board for me"
  Student:  Walks up to be board, picks up the marker, takes off the caps and inhales deeply, "mmmhhh"
  Me: It's not appropriate to get high off of the dry erase markers...please sit down"

~Student C to Student D:  Hey, D, can you throw me some mints
  Student D:  Digs hang into ceramic apple jar and pulls out handful of mints, then proceeds to quite literally
                   THROW a handful of mints at Student C
  Me:    D!!!!  That is NOT appropriate....
  Student D: Proceeds to gather several of the mints as he hurriedly shouts, "Oh, I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't
                   have given him so many."

~"Ms. Phillips....we had some good times haven't we?!"

Loads of laughter,
Ms. Phillips

"Can I have a Tissue for my Issues?"

I bid farewell to the past week which, as usual, had its fair share of ups and downs.  As I welcomed in the weekend, I laughed and processed what I was about to do.  I was about to chaperon homecoming, though not your typical awkward and inappropriate high school dance, I knew it would hold entertainment and awkwardness of its own. 

I'm a sucker for sob stories, which explains why I pulled up to the dance with A in my passenger seat.  Her mom had to work and all other rides had backed out...and so here we were.  Together, we walked up to the fiesta themed celebration, greeted by pinatas, a bucking bull, an inflatable fighting pit, and best of all, a feast of delicious food.  I encountered one student after the other, each encounter marked by a slight pause on behalf of both them and I.  Just as the students couldn't believe that I actually existed outside of WCHS, I found it just as interesting to witness them in their "natural habitat". 

I awkwardly walked around, enjoying taking everything in, yet wondering what to do as the only chaperon that had failed to being a date....I missed that memo.  Thankfully the principal and vice principal's wives quickly befriended me, allowing the night to pass much quicker.  The night ended with me awkwardly waiting for A to stop flirting long enough for me to stealth fully inform her that her chariot awaited, without ruining her end-of-the-night-convo with Mr. Right.

Saturday quickly faded into Monday and I waived goodbye to the weekend that had flown by so unnoticed. Monday, was Community Impact Day, a day on which all of WCHS goes out into the community to be servants to those in need.  My students, my aid, another classroom teacher and his students, as well as myself and several parent volunteers caravaned to the Mid Ohio Foodbank.  This was an event I had been looking forward to for weeks; a chance to serve along side of my students, while supporting a cause that was near and dear to my heart as well as my family's.  What a blessing it proved to be as I watched the students work as team, free of complaints or arguments.  They joyfully sorted bread into various categories in order to prepare it for the individuals that would soon come to rely on its substance for their next meal.  8,250 pounds of bread later, we cheered and breathed a sign of relief...mission accomplished! 

God continues to teach me through my students.  They were such gracious and willing servants.  I was so proud of them and proud that my dad, my grandpa, and the entire foodbank staff was able to see the type of kids that I am blessed to be around.  Though they have there moments of weakness, as do we all, they truly have hearts of gold. 

Today, one student who has caused many headaches and concerns lately, was retaking a math quiz with K, my aid and life-line on any given day.  This student has a habit if blurting out random sayings or even words uncontrollably as he works.  All of a sudden, I hear "Can I have an tissue for all of my issues?!".  As usual, his loud interruption was followed by an explanation of his sarcasm.  Needless to say, I was in hysterics, feeling that this remark just about sums up my job.  It is moments like this that make the landing a bit softer on those days that I fall down, a cusion that I know I will need as I brace myself for the hectic week and a half that await me, parent teacher conferences Thursday and Friday and 3 IEPS due next week.  I can feel the sleepless nights already, but know that somehow, it always gets done.

Tired of tissues,
Ms. Phillips

Fighting Fire

I can't help but laugh as I begin to recall a time when I updated this blog daily, a time when I felt that I had the luxury of sparing at least 25 minutes or more to process the events of the day, a time where I felt on top of the work load enough that I could express my creativity through the typing of a daily post rather than the binding legalities of typing an IEP.  Who knew that a mere three letters could make one so anxious and stressed?!  Today I had my second IEP meeting of the year...my third is Thursday....my fourth, fifth and sixth come within the next week and a half!

There is nothing like trial by fire.  Some days I feel as if I have the blaze under control and that no wind storm or dry spell could shake me.  Other days, most days, I feel as if I have my hands on the fire hose, clinging desperately for dear life as it takes me for a ride. Though no doubt a funny sight to be had, I fear that at any time, I'm going to lose my grip.

I want so desperately to be strides ahead of my kids in turns of planning; most days, I am lucky to be walking side by side, if not sprinting to keep up with their every move.  I am still working on mastering the art of teaching 5 classes, writing an IEP (if not 2) a week, being familiar enough with all classes/ teachers in the school to help my students in their regular classes, and still maintaining a level of sleep and sanity that allows me to be the vibrant, passionate, consistent teacher that I long so badly to be.

As overwhelmed as I have been, today, A and I sat side-by-side editing one of her past-due papers; tears nearly filled my eyes from laughter.  Something had mad us laugh so hard we both struggled for air.  This sound, this laughter, this is what it is all about.  The joyous noise echoed throughout the classroom, repelling the frustration, exhaustion, and anxieties that I had allowed to fill the air over the past week.  I hope this is the tune my students are welcomed to as they enter through my door and that this tune is the one that will carry them through their often routine and mundane day.  Lately, my heart has been heavy with the recent stories of teen violence, bullying, and suicide....how could it get so far, unnoticed.  All I can do is pray that my students will never know that fear, hopelessness, or pain.  Somehow, at the end of the day, whether they remember their times tables that I have drilled into them, or know the different between a linear and non-linear equation, or can recognise a noun from a verb...no matter what, I pray that they  know more than anything that they are not alone, not a hopeless cause, not worthless, but loved by me, by their peers, and by a God that knows and loves them more than I could ever even hope to.  If I succeed in this, I have to believe that God will take care of the rest.

On a lighter note...this week is spirit week, building up anticipation for homecoming this weekend.  Tomorrow is neon day, so I must go lay out my outfit.  Teal leggings, highlighter yellow shorts, bright pink shirt, and yellow sunglasses here I come!

Tired but hopeful,
Ms Phillips

Planning, parents and promises, OH MY!

I survived my first curriculum night...unscathed! Somehow, it crept up on me from out of the shadows.  I had at least spoken with each and every parent prior to tonight, but I have had the pleasure of meeting most of the parents as well.  Brought in for reasons ranging from their own curiousity surrounding the young new teacher, IEP meetings, or a need to have parental anxieties relieved, I have had one meeting after another.  Tonight merely provided an opportunity to continue to build the relationships that had already been forged, as well as meeting those with whom I had yet to do so. 

Being a long and exhausting Monday, I was ready for my day to end way before it's time.  Having accepted a new student into my program today, I was overwhelmed to say the least.  The last thing I wanted to do was to "talk shop" with parents.  I tried to get myself excited, when all I could muster up was a stomach full of butterflies.  As I neatly wrote "Welcome Parents!" on the white board and straightned every stack of papers and pile of papers, I was reminded of the importance of this night.  In many cases, I was with these kids more than their own parents; what a daunting thought.  These parents can only hope and pray that the time that their child spends at WCHS are filled with positive examples, learning experiences, and academic success.  Keeping this in mind helps the seemingly impossible job at hand to feel more attainable and more promising.

I was encouraged by many of the conversations I had with parents; including the conversation in which I was told I was "doing a bang-up job"!  I wanted to laugh, but smiled instead as I realized the weight of this compliment.  It has been so important that I not only receive the trust of my students, but their parents as well, something that I was assured tonight, I had attained.

Today was the first day that no matter how hard I tried, I was unable to break down the wall of pure exhaustion, and I was fooling no one.  The kids, each just as tired as the next, could see it in my eyes and hear it in my voice.  It was at this point that I recalled why it is said that being a teacher involves some extent of acting.  I had to find a way to energize myself, at least enough to make it through the day without falling asleep in my own classes.  This task was made easier when the lunch bell sounded, and as quickly as my class darted to lunch, another student scurried in the door.  It was A, she asked if she and her best friend could eat lunch with me.  She had talked about having her best friend meet me for weeks and A had decided that today was the day.  I honestly felt as if I had just been elected President...I was honored!  My heart jumped as I realized what an opportunity this could be...a chance to continue to build amazing relationships and set and example for two girls that were struggling through this crazy jungle that is so often referred to as high school.  I am excited for the opportunites and the conversations that will ensue because of our lunch dates! 

Attempting to take one day at a time,
Ms. Phillips

"You Can't be Everything for Everyone"

Today marked the beginning of what promises to be a crazy week.  I have approximately 2 days to write an IEP, a document that took me weeks to create during student teaching...and that was after having known the students for 4 months, rather than 4 weeks as is the case now, plus I had the assistance of a veteran teacher.  I had a meeting today to assess the results of extensive testing that has been done on the student whose IEP (Service Plan as the private schools call it) I will obsessively create and refine throughout the next few days.  It was at this meeting that I had to sit across from a mom as we attempted to gracefully inform her that her son, a 9th grader, is performing on a 3rd/4th grade level in all areas.  Thankfully, this was no surprise to her, not that the pain is eased in any way, I am sure. We discussed the need to return to basic elementary skills, forming a foundation that for some reason has disappeared, that is, if it ever existed in the first place. 

After the parent and teachers left the meeting, I hopelessly sat, scanning at the books around me for answers.  How could I meet his needs, while still providing my other students with the challenge and support that they need.  The books sat silently as I begged them for an answer, a clue of some sort as to how to solve this discouraging and seemingly hopeless mystery.  Everyone else seem just as perplexed as I felt...only for them, the meeting was over, and they were able to walk out, to move on to what the rest of the day held for them.  I was cornered, how can I provide a high school education  that includes the elementary basics that several of my students need, while not neglecting the needs of the others.  There is only one of me; a reality that looms throughout my day, especially during my 2nd period where I have two drastically different levels of math students in my room at the same time.  My five year old self wants to should THIS ISN'T fair; not for my sake, but that of my students.  They don't get all of me, all of my attention, all of my effort.

Seeing the struggle in my eyes, K, my "assistant", aka my life-line some days, wisely stated, "you can't be everything to everyone".  This answers was profound, and undoubtedly just what I needed to hear.  Now if I could only believe it.  Somehow, despite the fact that I am pouring all that I am and all that I have into my students, today was a day that I couldn't help but wonder if it even made a difference.  I have to believe, though, that  it does, which is why I wake up every morning.  I pray that some how, my energy, my drive, my effort, my planning, as imperfect as it may be, is enough.

Sleepless in Columbus,
Ms. Phillips

"You're doing that thing teachers do..."

As this week comes to a close, it's ending proves to be about as crazy as its introduction.  Finding it difficult to even make time for lunch these days, I have felt as if I have been in fast-forward this whole week.  As the tornado spirals around me, I find it hard not to get caught up in the to-do lists.  Every so often, I remind myself to come up for air, take a glimpse around, and realize that all of the red tape is worth the effort...most days.

Though I don't play favorites, I must say, my relationship with A never fails to be entertaining.  Several of my students are very literal, making it difficult as by nature I am sarcastic.  That does not fly well with students with learning disabilities, and it really doesn't fly with kids with autism.  Fortunately, A is one of my students that I can tease and give attitude to just as she does toward me.  This week, her famous line that she has coined is "you're doing that thing, that thing that teachers do".  Apparently guilt trips, and confidence boosts are universal teacher traits, and having displayed these, I have apparently joined the masses, good or bad.  I laugh because somehow, it works every time!

Christmas came early this year.  Not only did I get a SmartPen for my classroom, I also picked up my brand new TV today!!! Since before the school year even started, I have been drooling over the SmartPen.  I am convinced that God himself invented it; though I might eat my words when I open the package shortly and realize I have to not only learn how to use it, but do so well enough to train others.  Despite this, I am so excited to test this new classroom tool out.  The pen can be used to record anything, and when plugged into the computer, automatically transfers the audio to text....brilliant for kids with dyslexia and processing disorders!  Not only can it do that, you take notes with it, then tap it on paper, and it reads what you wrote back to you.  Never has technology excited me so much...I feel like such a nerd, and I love it!  I think this could be huge for my students.
I am also excited for our second new addition, a flat screen TV that will be MOUNTED to the wall so that we will have no more mishaps and accidental TV catastrophes again.  These both were purchased through a donation that someone made to the WCHS special ed. department....what an incredible blessing!
Now I am crossing my fingers that one day I can get a SmartBoard; though I'm not holding my breathe, the idea has been tossed around.  Please let there be funding, please let there be funding!!!!  But I figure, since many of the resources left in my classroom are older than dirt, I might as well introduce new technology into the lovely modular whenever possible.

Well, I must rest up because next week the Tornado will undoubtedly swallow me whole as I have 3 IEP meetings, an entire day of training for new high school teachers (yes, this means entrusting the clan to a sub), and multiple other meetings....I'm pumped.

Clinging for dear life and some how loving it,
Ms. Phillips

Crash and Burn

Today, Monday the 13th, gave your average Friday the 13th a run for its money.  So today's festivities began with a student knocking my TV onto the floor, ripping out the cable in the process and colliding with the floor with one giant crash.  This is what I get for just telling the woman in charge of funding that, despite the fact that the TV is half as old as I am, it still workED (past tense) quite well.  Good thing I'm teaching my kids verb tenses because today changed all of that.

I then received a lesson in anger management several periods later when I encountered a teacher that seems to think that kids with learning disabilities are simply lazy, not disadvantaged or struggling....how thoughtful.  This is proving to be my toughest lesson yet.  How do I gracefully approach someone whose viewpoints go against everything I stand for?  Stay tuned, I have yet to decide, but have a feeling this will be a part of what we teachers like to call a life lesson.

One little victory from today: my freshman English boys remembered about 1/2 of what I taught them last week....that's improvement!  Baby steps, my friends, baby steps!  There is always light at the end of the tunnel.  Since 14 is my lucky number, I have high hopes for tomorrow!

Ready for a new day,
Ms. Phillips

A Battle Worth Fighting

Let me start by saying, I'm not a caffeine drinker, really!  That being said, yesterday I gave into coffee and today I succumbed to not one, but two cans of pop.  This is collectively more than I have had in the past 6 months.  What can I say?!  It somehow keeps me from completely hitting a wall and diverts my headaches from turning straight into migraines.

The results are in...the quiz scores were less than ideal.  Let's just say there is plenty of room for improvement...if you are the glass 1/2 full type, as I certainly try to be.  I'm finding that to be a challenge, some days more than others!  After being upset for a while, I reminded myself of several things; I am still getting a feel for the kids and their current levels, this was the first quiz, and lastly, I am working with kids that have very little retention.  Which leads to my next concern....how am I going to teach anything that will stick for more than a day.  I want so much for what I say to weasel its way into their long-term memories....if only this weren't so hard.  I am racking my brain for ways to get through to these kids in a lasting way. 

Today I realized that even I was bored with hearing about nouns and pronouns over and over.  On the spot, I threw out my lesson plans.  I asked the kids to stand up, and to come outside with me.  With shocked and confused looks, they followed.  We went outside, stood in a circle, and threw a ball spontaneously from one person to another, shouting out whatever part of speech definition or example I requested.  Their faces lit up, and they responded...they loved it, and so did I!  After a long review, we went back into the class to wrap up.  As I asked review questions, I realized that they had already begun to confuse the topics, yet again.  My hopes we DASHED.  We had just spent 25 minutes making such a connection not only to one another, but to the content...and now what?!  This is going to be exhausting coming up with constant and yet practical ways to make each lesson come alive for these boys.  Don't get me wrong, the creative demand of being a teacher is a challenge that I find great joy in rising to daily.  However, I have yet to determine how it is possible to plan for 5 separate classes in a way that truly engages each student, rather than begs them to complete worksheets or book work, as so many do.  These methods have their place, I am quite aware, but my kids don't learn this way.  Not only must I plan for 5 classes and many unique kids, but I have to write 15 IEPs throughout the year and do quarterly progress reports for each student.  Whoever invented the legality aspect of my job is one of my few enemies on this Earth, end of my pity party and end of story.

So today, I was reminded that God really knew what he was doing when he placed me at WCHS.  As crazy as things are, I am convinced that there is something so pure and wonderful about the relationships I am building already; namely my relationship with A.  She tells me anything and everything now, and I give her the same honesty back, which is why we work so well together.  We both call it as we see it.  There is such a truth in that, a respect, and an understanding that is both unspoken and also unbelievable.  Tomorrow the kids will be on retreat, and I will stay back to get work done.  Today, A asked if prior to leaving tomorrow, she could bring her friends to meet me.  It took me a moment to gather the thoughts as I realized what was happening; Have I really earned her trust enough that she wants her best friends to meet her teacher, her special ed. teacher?!  The trust we have built seems to be strong enough to break down the wall that the stigma of special ed. has built up around her.  Rather than sleep in tomorrow, the one day I could, I will happily arrive at the same time as I do every day, waiting for the what is bound to be the highlight of my classroom day.  Tomorrow, I will celebrate a little victory that makes each of the daily battles worth the fighting!

Anticipating Dress-down-day,
Ms. Phillips

Rome Wasn't Built in a Day

Long weekends are amazing....until the alarm sounds, signaling it's time to put the pedal the the metal again.

The day started out with a meeting before school with a concerned parent, resident expert psychologist, and multiple teachers and administrators.  Whenever a child with an IEP is involved, there is never a shortage of meeting participants.  The meeting ran over into first period.  As I hurried back to class, I found one of my students sitting at the front of the school looking lost and confused.  I as walked toward the modular with her, I realized that in the rush of the morning, I had not unlocked my classroom door for my students.  Back at the classroom, another student sat at the foot of the door, awaiting my arrival. My heart sank as I realized the confusion that a little mistake had created in these students. 

Anything outside of the norm rocks the world of my students, confusing them and demolishing their hopes for consistency.  I have realized though, that change is unavoidable, especially when I am slowly reworking the entire framework that the special education program has been based upon for nearly 30 years.  I have to continue to remind myself, however, that Rome wasn't built in a day, and that this is my first year.  By gradually instilling change, I hope not only to ease the students into a level of independence and self-advocacy, but also to keep a level of sanity for myself. 

I'm giving my first big quiz tomorrow in two of my English classes.  I have officially decided that I am way more nervous than my students must be;  which makes sense since they are probably at home, busy forgetting the fact that they will be quizzed bright and early in the morning.  Every day I have at least an in cling of a anxiety that what I say to my students goes in one ear and out the other.  Especially in working with students that struggle to process, retain, and reproduce information that is presented to them. I want to know that somehow, what I say and do gets through to them.  Ultimately, at the end of the day, I try my hardest and then to some extent, am living on a prayer for the rest. 

Little victory of the day: Rumor has it that A told another teacher that I "get her", I understand her.  I'm not sure if A shared this information before or after I told her that I couldn't bail her out of her Spanish quiz...but either way, it was exciting to know that it isn't just me that feels that I might have made a connection that has paved the way for a successful year. 

Tomorrow is my first picture day as a teacher....so many firsts these days! It is also the first day that I will help tutor someone in Spanish....clearly a misunderstanding on some one's part to mistake me for a Spanish speaker, but we shall see!  If nothing else, I relate the the student's confusion and frustration at times!

Practicing my teacher smile,
Ms. Phillips

The Heart of the Matter

Having taken several days to process, I have gained a bit more perspective on the events that collaborated with one another, creating my hardest day yet.

I am the first to admit that I am what many might refer to as a very emotional, and at times sensitive person.  A truth that is magnified without the assistance of ample sleep.  I love deeply, which in no way is regrettable; but I do find it comes at a cost.  I find myself pouring into people, knowing full well, but fearing that one day, that might not be returned....a costly, but worthwhile, investment when it comes to kids that are waiting to be let down, hurt, and abandoned as past experiences have led them to anticipate. 
The one student that I knew from day 1 would give me a run for my money, let's call her Ms. Attitude, or A, played her best cards from the start. Willing or unwillingly, I know not, A entered my classroom convinced that it was her duty to bring drama, attitude, and full-on confrontation, as was her usual style.  Adorned with the latest and most fashionable protective shield, she was ready to dish out much more than she herself could ever handle.  I had to believe that there was more to this chilling exterior.  It took me no time at all to realize, that if I did nothing else this year, I had to get to the heart of the matter...this clearly broken heart which I had no doubt was at the bottom if it all. 

Speaking of broken heart, my heart broke exactly 15 times Friday morning as I opened my mailbox.  As I glanced through the progress reports that had been placed there for me in my box labeled "tutor", I couldn't help but think, "If they only knew..." Tutor, implying a quick fix, a mere remedial step on the way to success.  I couldn't help but revisit my job description in my mind; so much of my job is unlisted, unseen, which is where both the beauty and the confusion lie. 

The ache in my chest began to grow as I scanned the grades of the kids I have quickly begun to call "mine".  How could I have let this happen, I thought to myself.  If I thought I could save each student in each class, I was a fool.  After a day of self-abusive thoughts, begging myself to find a way to fix what was broken, I realized just that....there is no quick fix.  I am no saint, nor am I all-knowing.  I did know, however, that of all the students, A was truly on my heart.  Though many of my students had a few bad grades in classes, she was failing all but one class.  She had taken on too daunting of a course load, upon her ever-persistent and demanding request of the former teacher.  As she was accustomed, she received exactly what she asked and is now drowning, trying to cling to anything that can save her. 

I as I prayed that I was that life saver that she chose to cling to, I knew I had to change her schedule.  I had to set her up for success and not failure.  After talking with teachers, administrators, parent, and A herself, I found myself more overwhelmed than ever before.  Some teachers did not want her in their classes, believing that she lacked respect, knowledge, and a will to work.  I understood, I knew how they saw it, I really did because I too had seen it...but I wanted them to see the rest, the most beautiful part of her that had been revealed through our unusually honest conversations within the past few days.  I truly believe A saw how much it hurt me too, to take her out of classes with peers, unexpectedly throwing her into classes that I prayed would serve to provide more attainable goals for both her and I.  I saw the look, the look that screamed out, "NOT YOU TOO...Don't give up on me, I really can do it!"  I  have to believe that in some way, this is what a parent feels.  Knowing that I have to hurt her and break her in order to build her back up.

Advocate.  –verb (used with object), to speak or write in favor of; support or urge by argument; recommend publicly

This word was preached in my undergrad work.  This single word is the reason that I am a teacher.  What no one will, or even can teach though, is that advocacy usually means that there is opposition.  Someone that doesn't see what you see, feel, or believe, no matter how passionately you do all of these things.  I can't force someone to believe that with enough support, a child can achieve much more than even they believe that they can.  I can't convince people of the pureness of some one's heart that select few have actually seen.  I can't fix the years of stigma that have built up because of behavior that likely stems from a small fraction of the stress poured over from a single mom who barely speaks English, the fear of rejection, the expectation of constant failure, and the lack of ever seeing otherwise.  I can, however, give a gentle hug, as a hold back tears and tell my student that it's going to be OK, as I try ever-so-hard to convince myself of the same. 

My assistant, let's call her K, listened ever so patiently to my words, translating the meaning in between sniffles and the glistening of tears.  She voiced the simple, by profound words as I watched A walk away, "She's going to be our success story...Just wait"; I smiled through the tears, because I knew, this simply couldn't be wrong.

At the heart of it all,
Ms. Phillips

The Future Starts Today

Ironic that I'm writing lesson plans in order to help students plan for their very own future.  Yet, it is my favorite part of lesson planning.  I love the idea of empowering kids to think about the possibilities that lie ahead of them.  There is something so life-giving about helping students to realize that despite their learning challenges, they can and will be great additions to our world.  As I work with my junior/ senior class, leading them from one website and employ ability test to the next, informing them of deadlines and budgets and more, I can't help but be in awe at these young men.  They are excited to see what comes next, where they can learn to do what they long to do; whether it be computer programming, landscaping, music, or anything else...they are setting goals.  Never underestimate the power of a goal, because our success is up to us, and the future starts now.  How exciting that I get to be a part of a new generation seeking the answers and the hope that tomorrow holds!

Sleep deprived and exhausted (from a mind that is in constant search for a better way to teach a concept, a more productive system of organization, a more consistent routine, a way to keep track of all of my students in each of their classes, a way to help each child with each problem) I realized that no matter how hard I work, I will always feel that there is more that can be done.  A blessing and a curse, this feeling is here to stay.  My successes and failures, whether I like it or not, are wrapped up in that of my students, and as I quickly noted, so is my heart!

Ms. Phillips

The Score

Today I woke up and got to school early, ready to tackle anything.  My high hopes were dashed as not more than 1 period into the day, I had 2 of my 15 kids absent.  I now understand why absences were so frowned upon growing up.

Today was the day, the day that I could finally stop burying myself alive with boxes, tables, and desks that I hope to rid the classroom of.  The moment that Worthington City Schools employees pulled up to load up my classroom entryway of boxes, my stress level began to decline by the second.  The space began to look less like that of a former, retired, teacher, and more like that of a new, excited, hopeful, and optimistic teacher.

The excited smile quickly turned into contagious laugh, though to some extent, regrettably so.  After having my junior and senior English students completed an employment survey, I had my students compute there results into a score.  After struggled attempts to find his score, one of my students loudly asked, "how can I score?!"  With less than a moment to think and react, my reflexes failed me at a pivital moment.  Another student, without hesitation, responded, "Well...you go to a bar, and then you find a hot girl, and then...the rest is up to you."  Speechless....Needless to say, there is never a dull moment teaching high school. 

I ended the day, finishing strong, by getting through to a student, who up to this point, has been unresponsive to my efforts.  A little victory, which led to another, as my excitement allowed my productivity to continue.  I completed all of my lesson plans and for the first time since I was hired, I left school with no work...yet another little victory!  Relieved and relaxed, I have decided that I should do this at least once each week! 

Until the dismissal bell rings,
Ms. Phillips

I'd like to report a missing teacher...

Today consisted of a lot of firsts; the first day (since school started) that my alarm went off and it was actually painful to get out of bed, the first fire alarm conveniently on the first day that my advisor from Worthington came to visit, my first migraine of the year, my first time being reported as a missing teacher....

I woke up not feeling well but took the time to convince myself that I would be just fine and simply needed to wake up.   After about 3 hours into the day, I accepted the fact that this was not going to take place, no matter how hard I tried.  Pushing my headache aside, I tried to focus on the lessons I had spent the majority of yesterday pulling together.  Excited and nervous for the first full week classes, I wanted to hit the ground running.  Run I did...until second period when we had our "unplanned", yet announced, fire drill.  Conveniently, one of the big wigs at Worthignton City Schools paid a visit at the exact moment the alarm sounded.  She pulled up to my trailer, I mean modular, in her BMW convertible and walked into the classroom to be met by an entryway of junk that I had accumulated over the past week of my cleaning spree.  Needless to say, I was a bit embarrassed, as this was as far as she came into the modular.  I wanted to to inform her that the actual classroom was orderly, clean, and well planned out...oh well, I suppose it doesn't really matter in the end, seeing as she didn't even stay long enough to watch me teach.

After a hectic morning, my assistant convinced me to eat in the teachers lounge, something I never do because I have typically worked though my lunch.  While will one day explain the jelly stains that are likely to appear on graded papers due to my multi-tasking.  I know that spending time building relationships with other staff is important however, so I went.  Not 5 minutes after I sat down to eat, the bell rang.  Again, I somehow let my assistant again convince me to finish my lunch before heading back to the classroom, as I only had one senior who was in my room that period for a study hall.  I should have known better...only seconds after I finished saying, "You're right...he will be fine for 2 minutes..." I saw him standing at the door of the teachers lounge waiving at me and looking perplexed.  Upon opening the door, he informed me that now that he had found me, he would go back to the office to let them know that I wasn't missing after all.....
Lack of consistency for kids with disabilities is never a good plan, and why I decided to test that theory today, I have yet to figure remember. Another lesson learned and noted.

On a more positive note, my student that infamous for her bluntness and attitude informed me ever so honestly, "I think I decided....I like you...."  Mental note taken!

This just in:  I will most likely be receiving yet another student.  I was also told that I am going to have to re-write 2 more IEPs within the next 3 weeks.  At this point, the school psychologist looked at me to confirm, "so this is your first year of teaching?!  Wow, you've taken on a lot!"  When I responded, "Yea, I'm a bit overwhelmed at this point", her response was, "Good...you should be!"  Hmmmm...not comforting for a person (with a migraine) on the brink of tears.  Frankly though, I was merely impressed the waterworks held out this long! 

One step at a time, embrace the little victories, take the time to know and love the students and never fail to remind yourself that this is where God wants you, nowhere else in the WORLD but here, in this moment....these are my daily reminders to myself, the things that carry me through the days when I can't seem to carry myself.

Tired and already anticipating the long weekend,
Ms. Phillips

Life is like a box of chocolates...

Shortly after the bell rang, signaling the official start of the weekend (or so I hoped), I found myself sifting through my secret stash of chocolate in the desk drawer, a recipe for disaster and a sure sign of a long day...

The day began with a Venti Starbucks, promising to bring energy for the day that awaited me.  Unfortunately, I ordered one shot of caffeine because Starbucks does not offer a shot of patience or perspective.  Up to this point I have been more than calm considering the endless to-do list that constantly awaits me. Today, however, the weight of the past few weeks seemed to hit me at once.  Though still trying to maintain perspective, I suddenly realized that after being asked by many, "How do you get it all done?", my honest thought was, "I haven't gotten there, I'll keep you posted". 

This week was full of expressing learning expectations and assessing students.  Next week begins the academic lessons, which I have yet to determine.  With bookshelves of hundreds upon hundreds of books (and just think...this is after I rid the room of 10+ boxes of books and resources that were outdated) I should be thankful, but instead am beyond overwhelmed as I swim through the sea of books that I have no time to look through.

One of my three female students decided that today was the day she was going to tell me how things were going to go within the classroom.  As she informed me, ever so kindly of course, that I was going to let her leave the class and take care of some things, I quickly informed her that despite her confidence, I planned to give her a run for her money.  Ms. Attitude had met her red-headed match.  Of course, she was not about to allow me to challenge her in front of her peers.  Yes, ladies and gents, I had my first blood-curdling, hands shaking, I-need -a-breather-or-I'm -going-to-say-something-I-regret, teacher moment.  I had passed the point of no return, the point where "the look" would remedy the situation.  After stepping out of the classroom for a moment, I re-entered having reminded myself that this is all a part of the journey which I have committed myself to.  Rather than cry, I laughed it off, convincing myself that it was moments like this that made the day more entertaining. 

...So, 2+  pieces of chocolate, 3 hours of after-school cleaning, and 5 more filled boxes of outdated materials later, my first weekend as a teacher began!

Ready for Rest,
Ms. Phillips

Passed the Test

Today, for a split second, I saw bits and pieces of the wall begin to fall.  Many of my students have a built-in defense mechanism that protects them from the hurt and embarrassment that always manages to find them in their weaknesses.  These students have had years of practice playing defense, pushing away all of those who dare come close enough to reach out toward them. 

I am beginning to be able to look past all of the "helpful hints", or preconceived expectations, that fellow and former teachers have passed onto me in regards to certain students.  Thankfully, when it comes to minute things such as that, my memory is fleeting.  I try to erase what little I do remember and base my impressions of the students off of my relationship with them.  I say impressions rather than judgements, because it became clear to me, as I assessed my students current ability levels in math and reading today, that they were embarrassed, as if waiting for me to rebuke their failed attempts at success.  Wow, was I caught off guard as I placed myself in their shoes.  Not only are 4 of my students incoming freshman, entering into the harsh jungle that is better known as high school, but they are entering in, fully aware that they are far behind their fellow newcomers.  As one student put it, being a freshman sucks, "because you kind of at the bottom of the food chain".  This came from the journal of a student that I was told would never perform or even take part within the classroom...ironic isn't it?!  My goal for the year is to figure out what makes him tick, despite the fact that every one of his past teachers/ doctors/ etc. is convinced that he will not produce work, nor will he succeed, but rather, I could expect to be an innocent bi-standered as he floats through my class.  Luckily, I'm stubborn and often don't care what other people seem to think.  I hope that this is the one occasion in which that stubbornness works for, rather than against me!

Today we had Chapel; where we as a school, as a community of staff and students come together as believers to worship and learn.  I was humbled as I was surrounded by a cloud of witnesses, many of whom were students that blew my expectations of this experience away.  We sang a song which echoed the words, "in this place, You are here".  I have never been more convinced of God's presence.  Surrounded by teachers and students, I no longer felt alone, but supported and uplifted.  I was encouraged by the evident love for God that many of the high schoolers reflected; while at the same time, aware that many of the students were more lost, confused, and alone than ever before.  The talk encouraged us not to put on the "stain" or mask of God simply because we are a part of a Christian school...what a wonderful challenge not  only for the students, but for me as an educator too.  What would it look like if I truly loved my students and poured into them as God pours into me?!  I can only pray that I may now teach with this in mind.

On a less serious note, however, the IT guys are coming tomorrow to help me move around my room, move computers, desks, and tables to make it more user friendly and welcoming.  This is about as close to TLC's Clean Sweep as I get...so I'll take it! Besides, today I was at school long enough that I got to make friends with the janitor.  He and the secretary will become my new best friends at the school, I am sure!  Most people don't ever get to meet him because they leave shortly after the bell rings....I considered meeting him one of my small victories for the day.  That and the fact that my printer was fixed, as well as the fact that I finally seemed to pass the student's test and measured up.  The girls like the fact that they can talk about purses and boys with me, while the boys seem to love that I like the Office and Chipotle.  Let's see how much their decisions are swayed when we begin to get into actual content next week. But seriously, I really am blessed to have to chance to get to know students better than a lot of teachers, due to my job description.

That being said, I really do love this age group.  They are honest to a fault with me most days, which I respect much more than I ever thought I would.  The fact that I look forward to seeing the kids and I have only had them for three days, speaks quite highly for them.  Though my to-do list never seems to dwindle and I seem to be at work much more than I am at home, when I do come home, I am happy knowing I have done my job to my fullest ability, and held nothing back.  This happiness lends a helping hand to the exhaustion, emotions, and anxiety that kick in during times of weakness. Though occasionally discouraged by the fact that students are lost, confused, and struggling with content much below their grade level, I have to believe that we will encounter little victories along the way that will serve as reminders that it is all worth the fight and that together, we can progress toward our goals...which is the true test!

With nearly 1 week under then belt,
Ms. Phillips

Buried Alive

As I sit here smelling the aroma of brownies, I can't help but laugh.  All this in order to celebrate the birthday of the one student who has already managed to make me use "the look" on day 2...pretty impressive really!  In some sense, I suppose I should thank her; she keeps me sharp as I have to fire back as quick if not quicker than her shots that are about as far from subtle the East is from the West.  This, the same girl that drilled me with questions, exclaiming that she was had to decide if me she liked me before anything else could occur within the classroom.  She'll have to forgive me when I did not appease her upon her inquiry as to where I lived! For this reason, I am actually somewhat rejoicing in the fact that the ratio of my students, 13-2, favors the boys.  Drama, now that is one department I don't care to entertain in my classroom!

Little known fact: There is such as thing as rubber bands drying out and paperclips rusting...oh, and apparently you can never have too many floppy disks.  I have vowed that each day I will clean out a new drawer/ cabinet/ file.  You're probably thinking, great idea Shannon, you will be done cleaning before you know it, right?!  Well, that is where you would be wrong. After two weeks of intense cleaning, I have only managed go through 1/2 (Now, I'm being generous) of the contents my classroom.  By signing the contract, I apparently also inherited all of the outdated disks, books, files, and all other outdated teacher resources this side of the Mississippi.  If I had only planned ahead, I could have filmed my classroom and probably gotten pity from TLC'S Clean Sweep...oh well, better luck next time. 

On another note...I mastered the copy machine today.  You laugh, but mastering the art of a perfect copy is a feat in and of itself, especially when working with a machine that is probably about as old as I am. Sadly there was no course in college of how to make the most of you copier, or how to dig yourself out when you are buried alive in your own classroom.  I should really look into that.

I originally didn't plan to write every day.  However, I make my students write every day, so I felt that it was important that I do the same, at least to some extent.  It's a therapy in sorts; especially on days like today when the sun rises as I wake and sets as I drive home from work.  Despite the long days and the occasional lonely moments as I look around and think for a split second, "what have I done", at the end of each day, as I pull out of the parking lot and smile, I know that God is smiling back.  For some reason or another, I am the one that is supposed to reach these kids... the boy that can't make eye contact he is so anxious around new people, the boy that tries desperately to contribute to a conversation but doesn't know how, the kid who wants to scream I CAN DO THIS ON MY OWN, but knows he can't, the student who tries so hard to fight the stereotype so quickly entrusted to him, the student who pushes away because they know you just might be the one person to see past the wall they have so carefully and intentionally built up.  So, here is to hoping and praying that for some crazy reason unbeknown st to me, God will allow me to be the one who finally cracks the mystery of the student who everyone else has deemed a hopeless cause, or the student who appears to have it all together but is drowning so fast and simply needs a hand to help him up for air, or the student who simply needs a friend and a teammate. For this reason, today,during out "Meet the Team" activity, I stressed that they were valuable and so were their gifts.  Hopefully, this time, the words actually penetrated the surface of their thoughts.  Because at the end of the day, they should know... HAVE to to know, I'm the couch who won't hold their hands, but will be right besides them as they cross the finish line that I pray they we will one day discover together.


Ms. Phillips

New Beginnings

The alarm woke me up from what was more like a nap than an actual night's sleep.  I considered it a blessing to get even the smallest bit of sleep considering the day that awaited me.  Having lost power last night I was convinced my alarm would lead me stranded this morning...causing me to go down in history as the first teacher to ever sleep through the first day of school!

  Thankfully, I woke up with the sun (a term I hope to grow an appreciation for sooner rather than later) and I got ready and got dressed like any other day.  But unlike every other day, I couldn't help but wonder what my students would think as they entered into my room. Rather than finding their teacher from last year, 40+ years my senior, they found me, a young teacher that would probably be confused for a student if not for the lanyard hanging from my neck and the letters "Ms" in front of my name.  I prayed they couldn't see through the facade that I had so carefully remembered to put on this morning, otherwise they might discover that I am quite possibly, more anxious, self-conscious, and scared then each of them.  As it turns out, I was fooling no one...talk about solidarity from day 1!

As the first students rolled into the room, I could feel the excitement and energy building.  As soon as I smiled, and they smiled back, I knew that it was going to be OK.  Those smiles, the look of relief, that the worst is over and they, like me, were now convinced that this is the start of something great...that makes it all worth while.  The endless mound of paperwork I read, stacks of books and cassette tapes I have sifted through (yes cassettes, not CDs or MP3s...those imply production within the last 2 decades), the sleepless nights and busy days all came together and seemed rather minuscule in comparison. 

The bells rang and students went and came...15 unique, eccentrict, confused, scared, fun, crazy, students.  Though I couldn't help but remember all of the things I had read and heard about each of these students and their various and multiple disabilities, weaknesses, IQ or lack thereof...though that is a huge part of my job...I'm also a social worker, an advocate, a cheerleader, a parent in many cases, and I am the one who gets to help prove they they can achieve, despite the legal document (IEP- Individualized Education Plan....legal term for: follows students through their education and tells what their weaknesses and needs are) that tends to tell the world otherwise.  I was excited by the challenge I saw when I looked at each of them.  I am fully aware that this will take every bit of energy in my body, thankfully I knew better than to think it was going to require anything less.

Kids say the darnedest things:  A student came into class late (promising, on the first day!) as I went over the syllabus; however, another student quickly informed her that it was OK, we were just going over "another one of those syllables".  And that ladies and gentleman is why I have a job, and yet also why I plan to keep coming back!  Today marks the beginning of a journey in which I will walk hand in hand with 15 wonderful children of God.  Though I know I will not see them as such every minute of every day, and my patience may lead me to believe otherwise, I am trusting that God has placed them in my life, and me in theirs for a reason greater than our own and I am excited to learn lessons of my own along the way!

Until later,
Shannon

Awaiting a day 22 years in the making!

One upon a time there was a little girl with curly red hair, freckles, and an imagination that fuelled her every move.  She played school into the late hours of the evening, pretending that she was the teacher rather than the pupil.  She created class lists and seating charts to prepare for a class that she ever so carefully knit together in her dreams.  With the innocence of a child, she could do no wrong and had the world at her fingertips as she paced her classroom within the comfortable and safe wall of what she called home.

Fast forward to a fear full student, walking into her first college class at the University of Dayton.  This little girl's imagination had carried her to the doors of Chaminade Hall, where her dream to touch the future would soon become a reality. 

Four years later, here I am...no longer that little girl, yet somehow one in the same.  No longer imaginary students, but rather a roster of 15 students whom I can only imagine.  Story books have been traded for textbooks and novels of all kinds.  The wonder and awe, still there, seem to grow by the day as I await the arrival of a day that has been 22 years in the making.

I have decided to create this blog in order to share my trials, tears, train wrecks, and triumphs; all of which are bound to happen as I embark on my first year of teaching.  I have been blessed with the opportunity to teach special education at Worthington Christian High School.  The summer has had its ups and downs; yet, as always, God has been faithful and has provided a way out of what has been a long and confusing few months.  I am now confident that God has lead me to me to this exact place for an amazing adventure!

I have speant the last 2 weeks in my classroom, a structure that many may call a trailer, but we at WCHS lovingly refer to as "the modular".  Despite the bitter aftertaste of the word, it actually is a great space.  My classroom is long and thin and is essentially broken down into 2 smaller rooms.  In one room are computers, work stations, and loads of filing cabinets full of resources that have been collected/ created over the span of 30 years.  In the other is my desk, a large work table, and shelves upon shelves of textbooks and novels that have accumulated over the past 30 years.  30 years...the amount of time that the teacher before me spent in the position I now hold.  Talk about big shoes to fill...no pressure!

The past few weeks have consisted of many trips to the dumpster and more cleaning than I care to believe is possible.  After dozens and dozens of long days and late nights, I finally feel like it is MY CLASSROOM!  The dream is finally a reality as I begin to clean out the last of the books whose copyright dates are dated long before my time. 

As I prepare for tomorrow, touching up lesson plans, planning the first-day-of-school outfit, and refining my lesson plans, I can't help but smile.  Tomorrow, I will look into the eyes of 15 adolescents, as we vow to run this race together.  A victory of sorts, yet only the beginning of a journey that is bound to be one of my greatest lessons learned. 

Until Tomorrow,
Ms. Phillips