I can't help but laugh as I begin to recall a time when I updated this blog daily, a time when I felt that I had the luxury of sparing at least 25 minutes or more to process the events of the day, a time where I felt on top of the work load enough that I could express my creativity through the typing of a daily post rather than the binding legalities of typing an IEP. Who knew that a mere three letters could make one so anxious and stressed?! Today I had my second IEP meeting of the year...my third is Thursday....my fourth, fifth and sixth come within the next week and a half!
There is nothing like trial by fire. Some days I feel as if I have the blaze under control and that no wind storm or dry spell could shake me. Other days, most days, I feel as if I have my hands on the fire hose, clinging desperately for dear life as it takes me for a ride. Though no doubt a funny sight to be had, I fear that at any time, I'm going to lose my grip.
I want so desperately to be strides ahead of my kids in turns of planning; most days, I am lucky to be walking side by side, if not sprinting to keep up with their every move. I am still working on mastering the art of teaching 5 classes, writing an IEP (if not 2) a week, being familiar enough with all classes/ teachers in the school to help my students in their regular classes, and still maintaining a level of sleep and sanity that allows me to be the vibrant, passionate, consistent teacher that I long so badly to be.
As overwhelmed as I have been, today, A and I sat side-by-side editing one of her past-due papers; tears nearly filled my eyes from laughter. Something had mad us laugh so hard we both struggled for air. This sound, this laughter, this is what it is all about. The joyous noise echoed throughout the classroom, repelling the frustration, exhaustion, and anxieties that I had allowed to fill the air over the past week. I hope this is the tune my students are welcomed to as they enter through my door and that this tune is the one that will carry them through their often routine and mundane day. Lately, my heart has been heavy with the recent stories of teen violence, bullying, and suicide....how could it get so far, unnoticed. All I can do is pray that my students will never know that fear, hopelessness, or pain. Somehow, at the end of the day, whether they remember their times tables that I have drilled into them, or know the different between a linear and non-linear equation, or can recognise a noun from a verb...no matter what, I pray that they know more than anything that they are not alone, not a hopeless cause, not worthless, but loved by me, by their peers, and by a God that knows and loves them more than I could ever even hope to. If I succeed in this, I have to believe that God will take care of the rest.
On a lighter note...this week is spirit week, building up anticipation for homecoming this weekend. Tomorrow is neon day, so I must go lay out my outfit. Teal leggings, highlighter yellow shorts, bright pink shirt, and yellow sunglasses here I come!
Tired but hopeful,
Ms Phillips
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