The super size bottle of pain reliever was a seemingly random present among the other school supplies given to be on the day I left my student teaching placement. Upon further consideration and experience, the pain reliever, as well as the bulk pack of air fresheners, were among the most valuable of all of the treasures.
This week brought both tears and triumphs, as do most weeks, in some form or another. I held my first OGT after school review session. It's going to be a long, uphill battle. These students are expected to know math that is twice the level of what they are currently learning. Standardized tests are a special ed. teacher's worst night mere..at least this one's. Why in the world is it logical to force a student who does not even know their times tables to muster up answers for geometrical and algebraic problems....it's not! I feel like they are being set up for failure and my job is not to allow that this failure to happen. How can I possibly teacher skills that they have not obtained in the last 6 years, plus those which are actually meant to be taught to their grade level peers?!
Tis the season....several days after school I worked with students on research essays. After working for several hours with one student, she summed it up quite nicely..."Do you have a headache yet?!...Cause I sure do!" These days are always hard; I love working with the students 1-1, the ones who are there because they not only need help, but want it! However, the days that I am at school until 6 with students, I can't help but think as I pack up for the evening...I have done no planning or grading for the next day! I feel SO behind it is unreal...no matter what I do. Lately, I feel as if I am constantly longing for the end of this school year. I want a chance to no longer be the first year teacher, the newbie, starting from scratch. I am not naive enough to think it will be care-free, no will it be error-free , but..everyone says it gets easier from here....so, here's to hoping!
Little victory: I went to my first WCHS sporting event. Three of my boys play for the basketball team, so after many periods of the asking me when I was coming to watch them "ball", I was finally able to make it to a game. It was amazing not only to watch their faces as I walked in, but to watch them in THEIR element. I hope this was one little thing that might allow them to see even more that I do care about them and their success...both in and outside of my classroom. I also got to see many parents and meet other parents from the community. As usual, when introduced by a fellow staff member, I was told that I look as if I "belong in the high school"...in case I wasn't already aware that not only do most of them tower over me, but some probably look older than me as well. I realize that I am supposed to be thanking God for this age and appearance discrepancy...but I am not quite there yet. Until then, I will continue to wear heals so that I am can at least look into the eyes of some of my students, make sure to wear my ID badge, and never to wear plaid, so as not to be mistaken for a uniformed high school student!
Seriously Sleepy,
Ms. Phillips
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
ENOUGH "grammER"
So as I write, I am propping my feet up for the first time all day. In fact, for the first moment all day I am not doing school work...technically. This morning I was overly optimistic and decided to work out before school, thinking it would energize me for the day. As it turns out, I was only partially correct; two cups of coffee and several periods later, my exhaustion resurfaced.
I have learned that snow truly isn't as much a teacher's best friend as it is a student's. Last week, as the heavy snow began to fall, I quickly realized I was in trouble. Within a matter of 3 hours we received approximately 3 inches of snow, yet classes remained in session. I used to have an great appreciation for snow globes...no longer is this so. After spending the afternoon in what I refer to as a life-size snow globe, also lovingly referred to as the modular, the mod., the trailer, the van, and most favorably, my classroom, I swore to make best friends with our new governor. When I forge this friendship, I will be sure to ask him to come observe my classroom in the middle of such a blizzard. As it turns out, placing a group of students with ADD/ADHD in a room surrounded by windows in the middle of a white-out is a form of slow and steady torture. Not to worry, enough mass chaos ensued that parents began to call into the school, pulling their kids out of classrooms. By my last two periods, I was all alone in my life-size snow globe.
Last week we waived goodbye to the first semester and Tuesday we welcomed a fresh new start. As I embraced the thought that 1/2 of my first year of teaching was behind me, I felt the need to assess progress. I asked each of my classes to complete a course evaluation. Though I had discouraged the writing of typical requests such as "no homework", "no tests", etc., I was not surprised to find humorous remarks. One student expressed his wish that we not "do grammer". The irony of his spelling was almost as amusing as the fact that his response to the question regarding what seemed to be working for him was also "grammer". As it turns out...grammar isn't our only downfall. I was thankful for the honesty, insight fullness, and most of all, the entertainment that these evaluations provided.
I must admit that I am still facing a daily battle; a battle in which I am my own worst enemy. I am my toughest critic, constantly aware of what I did not get done or what I am falling short on. I never feel as if I am doing all that I can do. Staying until 6pm only to go home and do more work, many days, has proved exhausting. I would hope that with so much time logged, at the end of the day, I could say that I have done enough, but I have not found it easy, or even possible, to say such a thing. I try to force myself to recognize the difference between ENOUGH, and BEST. Though I may not BE the best, I am GIVING my best, my all, which in itself has to be enough. This is my mantra right now, or so it needs to be.
My continued goal is to focus on "the little victories" as I like to call them.
Little victory of the day: I have decided to offer a weekly after school OGT (Ohio Graduation Test) review session, every Wednesday from now until the March test. I will be available, students my make an effort and come to me....they have to meet me half way. As they know, I will not spoon-feed them, but hope to merely lead them to the source. This has never been done in such a manner in the special ed. program and I am excited for this new initiative...I hope it proves to be a successful way to prepare my students for the beast that we have come to know as the standardized test.
BEST wishes,
Ms. Phillips
I have learned that snow truly isn't as much a teacher's best friend as it is a student's. Last week, as the heavy snow began to fall, I quickly realized I was in trouble. Within a matter of 3 hours we received approximately 3 inches of snow, yet classes remained in session. I used to have an great appreciation for snow globes...no longer is this so. After spending the afternoon in what I refer to as a life-size snow globe, also lovingly referred to as the modular, the mod., the trailer, the van, and most favorably, my classroom, I swore to make best friends with our new governor. When I forge this friendship, I will be sure to ask him to come observe my classroom in the middle of such a blizzard. As it turns out, placing a group of students with ADD/ADHD in a room surrounded by windows in the middle of a white-out is a form of slow and steady torture. Not to worry, enough mass chaos ensued that parents began to call into the school, pulling their kids out of classrooms. By my last two periods, I was all alone in my life-size snow globe.
Last week we waived goodbye to the first semester and Tuesday we welcomed a fresh new start. As I embraced the thought that 1/2 of my first year of teaching was behind me, I felt the need to assess progress. I asked each of my classes to complete a course evaluation. Though I had discouraged the writing of typical requests such as "no homework", "no tests", etc., I was not surprised to find humorous remarks. One student expressed his wish that we not "do grammer". The irony of his spelling was almost as amusing as the fact that his response to the question regarding what seemed to be working for him was also "grammer". As it turns out...grammar isn't our only downfall. I was thankful for the honesty, insight fullness, and most of all, the entertainment that these evaluations provided.
I must admit that I am still facing a daily battle; a battle in which I am my own worst enemy. I am my toughest critic, constantly aware of what I did not get done or what I am falling short on. I never feel as if I am doing all that I can do. Staying until 6pm only to go home and do more work, many days, has proved exhausting. I would hope that with so much time logged, at the end of the day, I could say that I have done enough, but I have not found it easy, or even possible, to say such a thing. I try to force myself to recognize the difference between ENOUGH, and BEST. Though I may not BE the best, I am GIVING my best, my all, which in itself has to be enough. This is my mantra right now, or so it needs to be.
My continued goal is to focus on "the little victories" as I like to call them.
Little victory of the day: I have decided to offer a weekly after school OGT (Ohio Graduation Test) review session, every Wednesday from now until the March test. I will be available, students my make an effort and come to me....they have to meet me half way. As they know, I will not spoon-feed them, but hope to merely lead them to the source. This has never been done in such a manner in the special ed. program and I am excited for this new initiative...I hope it proves to be a successful way to prepare my students for the beast that we have come to know as the standardized test.
BEST wishes,
Ms. Phillips
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Give me a Break!
Who knew that I could both love AND hate the idea of winter break. As a first year teacher, I have never appreciated the dismissal bell more than I did on December 22 at 3pm. I was not far behind the students, as ready as they were to begining the extended hiatus from what had proved to be the most challenging season of my life.
2 WEEKS! At the time, it seemed like eternity. I swore that I would not fill my schedule but rather relax and spend as much time as possible lounging in my PJ's and reuniting with my couch and some of my favorite sitcoms. Though I did manage to do my share of lounging, I found that my social calendar filled up a bit quicker than I had planned. I was reminded of the importance of taking the time to catch up with old friends. I rediscovered my love for working out, getting coffee with friends, experimental baking, watching movies, sleeping in, and road trips. I have also recently decided, after a semester of stress and questioning what I want to be when I grow up (yes yes, I do love teaching, but my mind wonders, especially these days), that I would LOVE to start my own bakery business on the side of teaching. I have so much fun baking cupcakes, cakes, cookies...so maybe one day, when I have a spare second ; ) I will figure out how I can make this plan a reality!
Today, though I woke up confused, I was quickly jolted into the obvious reality that was my old routine. Once I got to school though, I didn't have time to dwell on my heartache due to the loss of free time. Don't tell, but I actually missed my kids. Their humor never ceases to amaze, shock, and sometimes even leave me speechless.
I spent the majority of my day working with staff and kids in order to organize their schedules for the upcoming semester. Currently, I am teaching 3 English classes, 2 math classes (in the same period...at the same time), and 4 periods of tutoring, and NO planning period. I told myself that I could make this work. However, after a semester of working 11-12 hour days only to go home and do more work, and still feeling like I wasn't doing good enough, or even ENOUGH period....I decided to teach myself how to say NO.....gasp! It required some moving around, and a realization that A (the student that single handedly makes me earn my keep) was probably not going to be pleased with me for ruining her seemingly perfect schedule. However, I have never been more proud of myself.
I have realized that I can't serve the students best unless I am at my best. I can promise that I am NOT at my best when I am up all night trying to plan what in the world I am doing the next day, nor am I at my best when I am scrambling prior to class to pull together a game plan. Being the perfectionist that I am, I am relieved, thrilled, and thankful that I will now have at least 40 minutes of time in the school day to actually plan...what a foreign concept. So despite the fact that I am still in denial that break is over, I am reminded to celebrate the little victories!!!
Sighing a HUGE sigh of relief,
Ms. Phillips
2 WEEKS! At the time, it seemed like eternity. I swore that I would not fill my schedule but rather relax and spend as much time as possible lounging in my PJ's and reuniting with my couch and some of my favorite sitcoms. Though I did manage to do my share of lounging, I found that my social calendar filled up a bit quicker than I had planned. I was reminded of the importance of taking the time to catch up with old friends. I rediscovered my love for working out, getting coffee with friends, experimental baking, watching movies, sleeping in, and road trips. I have also recently decided, after a semester of stress and questioning what I want to be when I grow up (yes yes, I do love teaching, but my mind wonders, especially these days), that I would LOVE to start my own bakery business on the side of teaching. I have so much fun baking cupcakes, cakes, cookies...so maybe one day, when I have a spare second ; ) I will figure out how I can make this plan a reality!
Today, though I woke up confused, I was quickly jolted into the obvious reality that was my old routine. Once I got to school though, I didn't have time to dwell on my heartache due to the loss of free time. Don't tell, but I actually missed my kids. Their humor never ceases to amaze, shock, and sometimes even leave me speechless.
I spent the majority of my day working with staff and kids in order to organize their schedules for the upcoming semester. Currently, I am teaching 3 English classes, 2 math classes (in the same period...at the same time), and 4 periods of tutoring, and NO planning period. I told myself that I could make this work. However, after a semester of working 11-12 hour days only to go home and do more work, and still feeling like I wasn't doing good enough, or even ENOUGH period....I decided to teach myself how to say NO.....gasp! It required some moving around, and a realization that A (the student that single handedly makes me earn my keep) was probably not going to be pleased with me for ruining her seemingly perfect schedule. However, I have never been more proud of myself.
I have realized that I can't serve the students best unless I am at my best. I can promise that I am NOT at my best when I am up all night trying to plan what in the world I am doing the next day, nor am I at my best when I am scrambling prior to class to pull together a game plan. Being the perfectionist that I am, I am relieved, thrilled, and thankful that I will now have at least 40 minutes of time in the school day to actually plan...what a foreign concept. So despite the fact that I am still in denial that break is over, I am reminded to celebrate the little victories!!!
Sighing a HUGE sigh of relief,
Ms. Phillips
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