I began the day hopeful that this week would have much more redeeming qualities than last week...I was quickly smacked in the face with the harshness of reality. I have come to the conclusion that this year there are likely to be more days that end with me questioning my career choice than not. In fact, recently I have decided that I must have been outside of my mind to decide that high school special ed. was my calling. I have had my fair share of doubts. Why would someone willingly chose to surround themselves with hundreds of hormonal teenagers? I daunting question that I have yet to answer...yet here I am!
I am struggling to keep my sanity as I balance needing to know chemistry, physical science, biology, Spanish, English, pre-algebra, algebra, Bible, history, etc. Planning for my own 5 classes is hard enough, let alone needing to know the content for the kids that I tutor. Oh, and then there is always the IEPs and progress reports...those fun legal documents that seem to rear their ugly heads whenever I am led to falsly believe that I have it all under control.
I find myself caught between being the strict teacher that insists on silence and surrender, verses the laid back leanient teacher. I want the kids to be held accountable both for behavior and knowledge while still feeling comfortable both with me and my classroom. Whenever I focus on fixing one problem, a heap of other conflicts seem to arise. Finding the balance between work and rest is a whole other ball of wax. I know that I need to be rested in order to best serve the students, but any time I take the time to rest, I feel as if I am two steps farther behind.
Well, my basketball player/not-so-star-student got his wish today...he just barely passed, qualifying him to play for the season. Ignoring the fact that he passed by the skin of his teeth, he lit up as I told him he was eligeable. I took this time to inform him that his hard work was far from over, as I would be communicating with his coach and if at any time he has more than 2 assignments missing, he will not play the following week. This news caused a much less animated repsonse than the first. My newly instated rule serves, if nothing else, as encouragement of sorts me for, allowing me to believe that school will still somehow be a priority...even if not by choice. I would like to believe that one day he will realize it was for his own good.
On an exciting note...I'm getting a SmartBoard!!! This interactive tool will finally help bring my ancient modular into the 21st century; how exciting! I have also been blessed with some additonal funding that allowed me to go on a shopping spree for my classroom today. I stocked up on some outstanding resources that I have had my eye. Hopefully these new resources will help to engage the kids...somehow. Today the librarian informed me that he had spent a 1/2 hour on a 1 minute video presentation for his class, but that they were SO engaged, hanging on every word. I joke, saying, "If it took 1/2 for 1 minute of attention...think how much we have to do for 50 minutes!!!" We both laughed, realizing the reality that we face on a daily basis and the overwhelming obstacles that we must tackle in the process.
The WCHS boys soccer team has made it into the finals. If they win tomorrow night, the entire school is excused from classes all day on Friday to tailgate and attend the finals at the Crew Stadium Friday. Never before have I been a fan of soccer...but I could be! I am praying that this is God's early Christmas gift to the teachers!
Another humbling encounter today: One of my students, A, informed me that she had watched "Freedom Writers" this weekend, a heart-felt tale of a teacher in an urban school that changes the lives of her students from the inside out. After sharing how we both had watched the movie through our own watery lenses, she said, "You know, Ms. Phillips...that's like you. You could be that teacher some day. It just takes time..." Spoken like someone wise beyond her years; she sure hit the nail on the head. What a powerful reminder that Rome wasn't built in a day, nor would my classroom.
One day at a time,
Ms. Phillips
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