Monday, March 7, 2011

Scared to Death

As an English teacher, I am humbled daily by my lack of knowledge in regards to the current street slang. I say this as if I was ever truly educated in the way of the streets.  However, despite the fact that my students have a very limited vocabulary from which to select words for their writing, they cease to amaze me with their daily language use when conversing with one another.  The current catch phrase is "stuntin'", used as a verb, to mean lying or "frontin", another word that means to cover up or to be dishonest. I had actually heard of the word "frontin" prior to my recent vocabulary lessons, allowing me to gain a few cool point back...finally!  You really do learn something new every day!

Something else that I have learned, or at least been reminded of, over the past few weeks...I scare easily.  Little known fact: there is a large space under my desk.  So large in fact, that my tallest student felt the need to have a lesson in proportion an probability. During my plan period I had walked out of the room for less than 30 seconds, in the mean time, he decided to climb under my desk, a detail that I was unaware of until I walked back to my desk and sat down.  I wish I could appropriately express what goes through one's mind the moment two giant hands grab for your ankles while sitting at your desk...but sadly, these choice words would not even do my emotions justice.  As speechless as I was, a little bit of me just had to laugh.  Word spread fast that Ms. Phillips had "screamed like a baby", when in fact, I was so scared I could hardly blink, let alone make a sound.  However, the laughter and amusement stopped after the second, third, and even forth attempt by this and other students to scare me.  I decided that I needed to put an end to it when the same student that had climbed under my desk decided to army crawl from one end of the room to the other, under tables and chairs in order to sneak attack m student observer and I.  If this student had thought he had seen Ms. Phillips mad before this point, he quickly realized he was wrong. 

Antics are a part of highschool, for better or worse.  I found out the hard way that I was not far removed from the "worse".  I was recently informed that one of my students was being heavily bullied.  In light of all of the severe cases of bullying that have been highlighted in the news, I was disheartened to see that learning from other's mistakes is a glorified ideal.  I have spent the better half of the last 2 weeks teaching a unit to my junior/senior English on "The Power of Words".  It all began when we watched "Spread the Word to end the Word", which I had each of my English classes watch.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xt5gWTCY9hE

This video sparked some amazing conversation with my classes.  As passionate as I am about acceptance for all, even I learned how inconsiderate and heartless kids can be towards those who are "different".  We have researched words that have held power throughout history and the backlash of the abuse of such words.  We spent time learning about the various types of propaganda used to sway our society.  The students are now creating their own campaign, communicating the power of words.  They have created their own slogan: "ReTHINK, ReACT, ReFORM...Words have POWER"
Wow!  They are now in the process of creating posters and a campaign video.  Last week I received another new student; I'm now at lucky # 17!  This new student has jumped right into the project and I can't wait for the final product, one which I hope will be worthy of sharing with the school.  I pray that this project can not only open they eyes of my students, but their peers and fellow teachers as well. 

In the lapse between my last post and this one, I have experienced many highs and lows.  I have had moments where I have been seconds from throwing in the towel, tired of feeling alone, overwhelmed, unprepared, inadequate, and just plain exhausted.  I have also had moments with my kids where we laugh until it hurts, we challenge one another, and work through frustrations to reach a goal, together.  This is what I have come to realize is the true meaning of balance.  Balance is shaking atop a tight rope, weak and ready to fall, but willing to take a step forward, knowing that there is a good chance that this step could cause you to fall.  Without the willingness to push through the fear of falling though, it is impossible to reach the other side; you would hang in the air, forever staring at a goal that you can not reach.  I must confess that I am deathly afraid of heights, afraid of falling.  I suppose this is for many reasons; a fear of others seeing me fail, fear of not being able to pick myself up, fear of showing my flaws and imperfections to a world that is so unaccepting of this very thing.  I am my toughest critic and continue to seek out the "little victories", as I like to call them, in my day.  May there be many more to come!

Psyched for Spring Break,
Ms. Phillips

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